Snacks

This week's Snacks come from Steve Costanzo: Wrestled for the University of Nebraska-Omaha where he was a 3X NCAA Division II All-American. He’s currently entering his 20th season as head coach at St. Cloud State, where he has led the program to five NCAA DII Team National Championships (2015, 2016, 2018, 2019, and 2021) and has been named NCAA DII National Coach of the Year a total of four times.

This year marks his 27th season overall as a collegiate head coach. Before taking over at St. Cloud State, he also guided Dana College to an NAIA National Title.

Below are some excerpts from our conversation, along with key takeaways and tips that can be applied to improve yourself as a Coach, Athlete, or wrestling Parent.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Origin Story Tip: Growing up without pressure to specialize allowed him to enjoy every sport and develop naturally as an athlete. Playing multiple sports teaches balance, adaptability, and body awareness—all things that can help in wrestling. Early freedom and fun builds a foundation that can keep athletes from burning out before they even reach their potential.

"Well, I started wrestling as a competitor in Bennington, Nebraska, which was a small community outside of Omaha at the time. Now it’s almost like a suburb of Omaha — the city has really grown significantly. But back then, Bennington was a powerhouse in Nebraska wrestling, Class B and Class C. I wrestled for Coach Rick Allgood and started wrestling when I was in the second grade.

I don’t really remember why or how I got interested in wrestling, but my parents were very supportive of me doing something in athletics. I wouldn’t say I was great when I started, but I had a little bit of athletic ability growing up and was able to adapt to it. I didn’t really get serious about wrestling until high school.

Coming from a small community, we played every sport. If it was football season, I was all about football. If it was baseball season, I was all about baseball. That’s just how we grew up. I really enjoyed that because I didn’t have a lot of pressure on me to do just one thing.

Back then, we didn’t have all these clubs like we do now. I wouldn’t have even had time to go to all these clubs like kids do today, because if it was football season, I’d be playing football. That’s how things got started for me. I had pretty much the same coach all the way through elementary school into high school.

There were a couple of coaching changes my junior and senior year, and I had a few really good coaches who came in and helped out. But yeah, I didn’t really get serious about wrestling — or even think about wrestling at the college level — until probably my senior year of high school."

Parent Tip: Take the pressure off and let kids enjoy being kids. Your role isn’t to control their athletic path—it’s to support, encourage, and love them. Let the coaches coach and give your child the space to explore different sports and interests without feeling trapped in one. Just as important, hold them accountable. Don’t do everything for them—teach them responsibility and independence early. Those small lessons in accountability prepare them for life beyond youth sports, helping them succeed and accomplish tasks when they grow up.

"I mean, allow a kid to be a kid and don’t push them so much in one direction or another. I think you’re their parent, and unless you’re their high school coach, there are some separations you have to make—being a parent and being a coach.

But I think if you’re the parent, let the coaches coach and just be supportive of your kids. Be positive with them, love them no matter what, and don’t put so much pressure on them. These kids have enough pressure on them already with society and the decisions they have to make.

I’m also a big advocate of kids playing other sports and not getting so wrapped up in one sport or putting all your eggs in one basket. That’s just letting kids be kids. So if they want to go out for the baseball team, football team, track, or whatever—support them in that.

But eliminate the pressure you put on your kids. I think that’s the biggest takeaway I could give to parents. And another thing is to keep your kids accountable. You can’t do everything for them. I see it so much when they get to college—these kids can’t do anything on their own because their parents have done everything for them growing up.

So make them accountable early—to get things done, stay on task, and stay organized. I think it’s important to have those life skills before they get to the next level. So when they get there, they can do things on their own—laundry, classes, financial aid, communication with professors and coaches.

Keep them accountable while still letting them be kids."

Coaching Tip: Hold athletes accountable, but lead with patience and purpose. Mistakes are part of learning—use them as teaching moments instead of constant criticism. Communicate clearly, correct privately, and remember your role extends far beyond wins and losses. As a coach, you’re also an educator, mentor, and life guide. Your role isn’t just to develop great athletes, but to help young people grow into capable, resilient adults.

"Yeah, I mean, it is certainly different times now than it was when I started coaching, and I mean that in maybe a good way. I think the kids are more talented today than they ever have been.

Back when I started coaching, there were always a few really good ones, but I think there’s a lot more depth today because of all the opportunities they have to get better through clubs. A lot of them spend more time with their club coaches than their high school coaches.

I think the biggest tip I have is to continue keeping these kids accountable but communicate with them in the right way. There’s a time when you really have to get on kids, but you have to make sure you’re not getting on them for every little thing all the time.

They’re going to make mistakes, and we’re in the business of education. So, pull them aside, let them know about the mistakes they’ve made, and hopefully they learn from them. That’s really what it’s all about—that’s why we’re in this business.

Be patient with them. That’s the main thing—be patient, hold them accountable, work them hard, but work them smart. That would be my advice for coaches. There are a lot of great coaches out there, and I think they’re learning that themselves.

It’s not just about winning. We all want to win—who doesn’t want to win, right? But there’s more to it than just the winning piece. We put so much emphasis on winning that we don’t focus enough on other areas, like life skills.

Remember, you’re an educator. You’re not just a coach—you’re a life educator. You’re their parent away from home, their coach, their psychologist, their doctor. You wear many hats as a coach, and we have to remember that. You’re not just a wrestling coach—you carry a lot of roles by being called a coach.

Athlete Tip: Don’t just want to be a champion—live like one. Writing “national champion” as your goal means committing to a championship lifestyle every day, not just during the season. That includes what you eat, how you sleep, how you treat people, and how you carry yourself when no one’s watching. The difference between good and great often comes down to consistency and sacrifice. Champions aren’t defined by talent alone—they’re built by the choices they make 365 days a year.

"I think Nick Mitchell says it best from Grand View—it’s a championship lifestyle. He really preaches the championship lifestyle. Our motto here is “building life champions.” So it’s a little bit different, but kind of the same thing.

At the beginning of the year, we have our guys write their goals down, and it’s funny because probably 90% of them put, “I want to be a national champion.” They all say it—they want to win a national championship. But the bottom line is being a national champion isn’t something you do six months out of the year or three days a week.

Being a national champion means living a championship lifestyle on a consistent basis, 365 days a year. So if you really want to write down “national champion” as your goal, then you better be living that lifestyle every day. That’s the hardest sell for me, especially at this level.

Maybe I need to do a better job, but a lot of kids aren’t living the right lifestyles. They want the glory of being a national champion, but they’re not willing to live like one. Don’t write it down if you’re not going to live a championship lifestyle.

That’s how I look at it. I wasn’t perfect in college by any means—I made mistakes. I should’ve listened to people more, but I wanted to do it my way. And I got “my way” results.

If I really wanted to be a national champion—which I believe I had the ability to be—I had to live the right lifestyle. I’m not just talking about avoiding partying. I’m talking about your nutrition, your sleep habits, how you treat people socially, your faith—there’s a lot that goes into it.

If you want to be a champion, you’ve got to pay the price. It might mean drilling on a Friday night while all your buddies are out downtown at the clubs. There are sacrifices that have to be made if you truly want to be the best."

Negative Impact Tip: Poor communication can break trust. Today’s wrestlers want understanding, not commands—they need to know the reason behind the work to truly buy in. The people you lead will only trust you when they believe you’re invested in them. Communication isn’t just about giving direction; it’s about building belief and trust so they’ll “get in the wheelbarrow” with you.

"The biggest thing that comes to my mind is communication. Everybody has a different way of communicating with people, and everyone’s a little different in that regard. But I think how you communicate with people on a day-to-day basis, consistently and individually, has either a negative or positive impact.

As coaches, we have to be great communicators to get our point across. We ask a lot out of these kids on a daily basis, but how we communicate to them is the key. That’s one thing I’ve learned over the years—you can tell them, “Hey, you’ve got to do this, and I want it done this way,” but if you don’t explain why they need to do it that way, you lose them.

We’re past the days of, “You’re going to do it this way because I’m your coach and I said so.” There are only so many kids who are just going to say, “Yes, sir,” and do it. Right now, we’re in an era where these kids want to know why—and you’ve got to sell it to them.

Coach Chris Ayres at Princeton has a great story about trust versus belief. He uses a wheelbarrow analogy: “Yeah, I believe in you—but do I trust you?” His thought process is about getting guys to trust him. It’s not just about belief; it’s about trust.

He asks, “Do you trust me enough to get in that wheelbarrow while I roll you across a tightrope to the other side of the mountain?” That’s powerful, and it goes back to how he communicates with his guys. I put a lot of emphasis on communication, and I keep reminding myself—I’ve got to keep getting better at that."

Wrestling Growth Tip: Push the next generation of wrestlers to think bigger than just becoming teachers or coaches. Encourage them to step into leadership roles—athletic directors, superintendents, or administrators—where they can influence entire programs and communities. Wrestling needs its own people guiding the direction of schools and sports systems. When wrestlers lead, the sport can grow stronger from the top down.

"I think we're on the right track right now. I think we're doing things better than we ever have. We’ve got to keep doing those things. But I think the biggest thing that draws people to wrestling is making it an exciting event.

With the way we're marketing the sport right now, I think that's going to grow wrestling. It gets people more interested in it. The more we educate people on what wrestling is and what it does for us, the more support we’ll have. There are a lot of people who don’t know anything about wrestling and don’t support it because they’ve never done it before or don’t understand it.

Right now, I think we're on the right track. We've added women’s wrestling, and it’s skyrocketed. Now we’re showing that wrestling isn’t just for boys—it’s for everybody, for all sizes. But I think we have to continue to educate our administrators better. That’s not a problem, but it’s a challenge that I have where I’m at.

Wrestling has been a big deal here, but that doesn’t mean I’ve sold it to our administration. If we want to keep these programs going for longevity, we have to continue to do positive things in the right way. We have to continue to educate. Another thing I think is that wrestling people are great leaders. Kids who have wrestled generally turn out to be very good leaders.

We’ve got to get more of our wrestling people in leadership positions. If you want to grow wrestling, get wrestling people behind it—you’ll grow wrestling. We have a lot of kids in education who want to be teachers and coaches, and I think that’s great. But I always say, why don’t you become a superintendent or an athletic director?

Shoot for the stars. Run the program. Run the district. Go on, get a master’s degree, get your doctorate degree. We need to have wrestling people in leadership positions—period."

👋 Enjoying this post?
👉 Subscribe to the newsletter here
— stories, insights, and interviews every week.

Growth Bite

This week's Growth Bite comes from Ben Askren, who talks about the process of progress—and how it’s not always linear. It’s often met with plateaus and then sudden jumps to the next level.

Take a few minutes to listen below:

Community Treat

This week's Community Treat comes from an older clip of North Korean wrestler Won Myong-gyong hugging the referees after winning her gold medal match at the 2025 World Championships.

Note: This isn’t typical—I’ve never seen anything like it before, and it honestly put a smile on my face. Pure happiness and joy after winning her first world championship!