Snacks

This week's Snacks come from J’den Cox: Wrestled at the University of Missouri, where he was a 4X NCAA All-American and 3X NCAA National Champion. At the senior level, he earned SIX World and Olympic medals: 2016 Olympic Bronze Medalist 🥉, 2X World Champion 🥇🥇, World Silver Medalist 🥈, and 2X World Bronze Medalist 🥉🥉.

J’den is considered a legend in our sport and one of the all-time greats in American wrestling. He’s currently the National Freestyle Development and Resident Coach for USA Wrestling.

Below are some excerpts from our conversation, along with key takeaways and tips that can be applied to improve yourself as a Coach, Athlete, or wrestling Parent.

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Origin Story Tip: It’s clear that having great coaches early on had a huge impact on J’den’s life. The best coaches go beyond technique—they care for the individual. When a coach invests in the person, not just the athlete, it builds trust, resilience, and long-term growth. For parents, this shows how important it is to get this part right early in a young wrestler’s journey—the right coaches can shape who they become later on.

"So, my uncle actually started wrestling in my family. He was the first one to start wrestling. Then my brothers followed him and followed in his footsteps. When I was born, I pretty much tagged along to go with my brothers to all their stuff.

I was just around it all the time—in the practice room, at the tournament. I feel blessed that wrestling was the first sport I was introduced to. It stuck with me. It was the foundation.

A foundational sport in my family. I was blessed for that. Then I started wrestling with Columbia Wrestling Club. I still go back and talk with those kids whenever I can go back to town in Missouri.

Coach Mike Flanagan was a big part of me starting up. He was a great coach, especially when we talk about creating fundamentals and a good base for young athletes. He is great with that top to bottom, and he's been doing it for so long. He's still coaching to this day.

It's been awesome to see that grow and to know I had a part in it. Honestly, Mike was probably the most unselfish coach I’ve had to this day. I started winning titles, and a lot of coaches want to keep their kids around, but he saw something in me and said, “I’ve taken him as far as I can.”

He pointed me in the direction of Mike Eierman, who still to this day is a big part of my life. Both of them are. Mike did a great job developing me and helping me through a lot of things in wrestling.

He taught me more about life—not just wrestling—and helped me through a lot of difficult periods to come out better on the other side. Wrestling was automatic for me because I loved it and had been doing it for so many years.

I really enjoyed being around him. I kept that tie throughout my career... I think I was blessed with all the coaches I had.

From Mike Flanagan, Mike Eierman, JD Coffman, Ben Smith—even going on to college with Brian Smith—I had a great relationship with all of them. I was born in Columbia. They’re in Columbia. It was an easy transition.

I got coaches that truly had love—not just for the sport of wrestling, but love toward each and every one of their athletes. Those are two different kinds of effort.

Having a love for the sport is one thing, but having love for an individual takes a lot more. Each individual in your room takes more effort, more attention. And it might not just be technique on the mat.

Each of my coaches helped me evolve technically and tactically within wrestling. But they also helped me evolve as a young man—and as the man I am today. That is something I’m truly blessed for."

Parent Tip: Make sure you and your child are on the same page about their goals. That only happens through honest, ongoing communication. Without it, parents can unknowingly apply pressure—caring more about performance than the child does. But when you take the time to listen and understand what they truly want from the sport, you become the steady foundation they need—not just a coach, but a trusted parent who helps them stay focused on what matters most.

"I think the two biggest things are communication and honesty amongst both parties—from kid to parent, and parent to kid. Communicating how things are going and being supportive in the way the child needs, not necessarily in the way you want. I think that's an important thing.

If we're really going to commit to something, it's about making your goals and figuring out how to accomplish them—while still being mom and dad. Sometimes the relationship between being a parent and being a coach can get intertwined.

When bigger things happen—not just in wrestling but in life—it can be hard for a kid to know how to ask for what they need. They may need mom or dad in that moment, but all they see is coach mom or coach dad.

So it’s about allowing the different doors in your relationship to exist, to be separate for different scenarios. That’s massive—not only for parents, but for kids, too. It helps them recognize those roles and communicate what they need in the moment.

That’s why I always say communication and honesty are key to growth—not just between parents and kids, but with coaches too. It takes a village, and everyone has a role. Sometimes people wear more than one hat, and we have to make sure kids can reach the role they need at that moment.

If they need Dad—not Coach—they need to be able to say, “Hey Dad, I just need to talk to you.” Same for Mom. That’s how trust gets built and support gets stronger. When that happens, kids invest more in themselves.

They stop questioning and doubting and holding things back. They feel free. I always tell guys, you have two jobs in life: First, make sure you don’t have a lot of baggage. Second, if you do, make sure it doesn’t weigh that much.

Parents can help lighten the load. Because if a kid walks into practice carrying emotional weight, they’re not fully focused on being the best they can be at something they love.

And sometimes it’s on the kid, too. Like, you’ve got five missing homework assignments, and now you're more stressed about that than working on the technique I’m trying to teach you.

It’s our job—as parents and coaches—to make sure all the aspects of their life are being taken care of so that when they walk into the room, they can fully focus on their goals.

That way they can soak up all the technique, tactics, and everything we’re trying to teach them and keep growing. Our role is to help make that bag as light as possible.

Help them get their homework done. Make sure they’re hanging around good friends. Build strong relationships. Create trust. And if there’s trouble, we help them carry the weight. We’ve got their back. That’s the best thing a parent can do."

Coaching Tip: Don’t force all athletes into a mold—give them room to explore, question, and adapt. When you create an environment where they feel comfortable asking questions, don’t assume it’s a challenge to your authority—it can be a sign they’re engaged and eager to grow. Encourage curiosity, and understand that growth can accelerate when an athlete has the freedom to personalize technique and take ownership of their development.

"I think the biggest thing my coaches did, is that they allowed me to be free. Sometimes, as coaches, we tend to try to pigeonhole our kids or athletes because we think, "Well, this is how I did it. This is how it has to be done."

All of my coaches were very open to other techniques and ideas—letting my mind flourish and explore different styles. They allowed me to manipulate technique so it best fit my style.

They always encouraged me to ask questions, and they understood that asking questions wasn't about challenging them—it was about gaining clarity so I could grow.

I was blessed that all of my coaches were like that. They allowed me to keep growing and keep trying to put pieces together. I respected them more because of that.

If I take something a coach shows me and tweak it so it works better for me, that’s actually a sign of respect. Some coaches think kids aren’t listening when they adjust things.

But it’s not that. I am listening—I’m just making it work in a way that fits me better. And if I can do that, then I’m really getting two for the price of one: I know how you do it, and I know how I do it.

I think that was the biggest thing—they allowed my growth to happen. They allowed my mind to flourish with technique and with the things they showed me.

They didn’t force things or say, “This is how it has to be done.” That freedom allowed me to grow tenfold throughout my career."

Athlete Tip: Take care of the person first—the athlete will follow. Success on the mat doesn’t mean much if you’re carrying emotional baggage or struggling off it. You can win and still feel empty. But when you do the internal work, when you address what’s weighing on you outside of wrestling, you unlock your full potential inside it. Don’t mistake results for wellness—real growth starts with the person behind the athlete.

"I think my perspective on athletes definitely changed once I retired. More so in the sense that I was blessed with the career I had, the accomplishments I got to experience. I think on those years and just think, man, what a ride.

It's really cool because I tell people, when we talk about my retirement, I'm in my rocking chair phase right now. But the blessing of being in this rocking chair is that I don't have to dream about what could have been. I get to reminisce on what was.

That is my goal for my athletes going forward—to put them in a position to accomplish everything they want to accomplish, or at least do everything they can to reach those goals. So when they sit in that rocking chair, it's not filled with regret. It's not painful to look back.

When I think about athletes now and what my advice is, what allowed me to do that had nothing to do with wrestling. What allowed me to do that was taking care of J’den Cox the person—taking care of me.

I truly believe that. The things that were problems or heavy in my life before I became who I was—those things held me back. That’s where we come full circle: the baggage. I was holding on to a lot I needed to let go of.

I wasn’t able to leave it at the door when I went to practice. It was holding me back. Until I did that work and worked on myself, the athlete suffered just as much.

It’s not that I was getting beat up or anything—I had a great career. But there were times in high school, middle school, where winning didn’t make me feel any better about myself or my life. It wasn’t doing anything.

I couldn’t enjoy it. And even though I was winning, I wasn’t allowing myself to be what I was capable of being. I wasn’t fully dedicating myself because my mind was somewhere else. Part of me wasn’t present.

I wasn’t able to fully commit. So my advice to up-and-coming athletes is: take care of yourself as a person first. The athlete will follow. If you’re dedicated and you care, it will follow.

But your dedication and care can only go as far as the person allows. The athlete might care all they want, but the person ultimately decides how far it goes.

Don’t be tricked into thinking that just because you’re winning, you’re doing well. I was winning—and I was doing horrible. I was stuck in the same place, because those things don’t go away. Eventually, they show up.

Take care of yourself as a person—handle the things you need to—so you can give yourself the chances, the effort, and the opportunities as an athlete that you deserve and want to give."

Negative Impact Tip: Unchecked ego can quietly shift your focus away from what’s best for the athlete and toward what’s best for yourself. In wrestling, pride in toughness and tradition is common—but when that pride turns into rigidity or control, it can limit growth. Coaches must regularly check their motives, stay open to new ideas, and be willing to say, “I don’t know everything.” Growth—for both coach and athlete—requires humility.

"Well, I think ego is a big thing. We are wrestlers, right? We pride ourselves on being tough and able to grind. But that pride can sometimes turn into an ego trip.

Sometimes we do what's best for our ego instead of what's best for our athletes—or for the families involved in our clubs. I think that's a big thing. We need to keep a good mindset and check ourselves every now and then.

Ask, “Am I doing or saying this because of wrestling pride, or is it about me?” That self-check matters. In our sport, it's something we really need to be aware of.

It's a tough line to balance. As a coach, you need to fight for your athlete and lead young men and women to become great. You know the path isn’t easy, but you also can’t lose track of what’s truly best for them.

Sometimes we say, “I want this for you no matter what,” but in doing so, we lose perspective. A great example is my coach, Mike Flanagan. He could have let his ego keep me, saying, “J’den's won state titles for us—I’m keeping him here.”

But he knew in his heart he didn’t have what I needed to get to the next level. That ability to put the athlete first is so important. The biggest thing is being able to say, “I don’t know everything.”

I tell my guys that all the time. I’m glad to have my role with USA Wrestling and a foothold in almost everything. But I still don’t know everything.

That’s one reason we travel to different RTCs. While they’re learning technique, I’m learning from other coaches too. I'm learning from other minds. I'm still growing, not just as a coach, but even from a wrestler's standpoint.

These are the things we need to keep track of—our own growth. We have to keep growing. I love coaches with a system, but there’s a problem when a coach says, “This is the only system, and nothing can change.”

Wrestling Growth Tip: To keep progressing at the national and world levels, we need to prioritize collaborative training environments—even among potential competitors. When elite athletes and coaches come together across programs and styles, it pushes skill development, fuels competitiveness, and raises the overall standard of American wrestling.

"I think it depends on the style, honestly. Because I feel like the message to young children—and specifically to their parents—is a pretty easily swallowed one. They love the idea of making them better. We lean on the “better person” aspect when they’re younger—make them a better person, prepare them for life.

We're trying to build them up for their lives. So when you hear that for your five-year-old, you're like, "Heck yeah. I want my kid to be set up as a strong, independent individual—learn how to deal with things, get tough, make adjustments, and become strong in the world."

But I think it's different for each style. With folkstyle, that's kind of taken care of. It's easy to get them invested. 

With Greco, I say we need to create more positions for Greco athletes to go to after they're done wrestling, so they're not recycled back through freestyle.

There's no reason a Kamal Bey or Adam Coon should be focusing on freestyle athletes or just the folkstyle side. We should be investing in that...

So I think that would be big. I also think finding a way to allow athletes to do both on the senior side would be immense, especially for guys who say, "Hey, I'm on the freestyle side," and they end up not making the national team or just coming up short.

Finding ways they can hop over and do Greco—right? I'm not saying freestyle guys are better at Greco or anything like that. Heck no. I'm not saying that. But I do know there are guys capable of doing it. Case in point—Zane Richards just made the finals at the U.S. Open.

He just made the finals and almost made the Greco world team. If we could make that available, I think there are freestyle guys who would do it—because they're just competitive.

On the women’s side, they’re growing immensely, which is great for the sport as a whole. We're making moves, and I think they're on the right path. So I’m just reiterating what they’re already doing, but getting involved at the NCAA Division I level is going to be huge...

On the freestyle side, I think there needs to be more training together. More guys. Because I think once we hit the senior level, we get separated as a whole. This applies to freestyle, women’s freestyle, and Greco—we start training more separately and divide from each other.

Not to say the leadership isn’t great—Cael at Penn State, David Taylor at Okie State, Coach Bono at Wisconsin, Kevin Jackson at Michigan—they’re all great. But there’s just something about getting all those guys together.

When they’re training together day in and day out for a little stretch, it pushes the competitiveness. It pushes growth. It fuels desire. I got to watch guys like David Taylor, Kyle Dake, Jordan Burroughs, Kyle Snyder, myself, Gwiaz—we were all in the room just going after it...

But I think we've gotten away from that a bit... We’ve got to put differences aside... At the end of the day, you don’t wear your college logo anymore. I mean, you wear it, but when you step on the mat and it says "USA," those colors are red, white, and blue.

That’s what you’ve got to remember. That’s who you represent. When the team title gets handed out, it’s not to a college—it’s to the United States of America.

So we’ve got to bring that back—remind people that this is what we’re fighting for. That we’re fighting against every other country. And if we’re going to fight for one another, how about we work with one another?

How about we help one another grow? I know that’s hard because of our system. It’s hard because people don’t want to wrestle the guy they might face in Final X next year.

And that’s definitely difficult. But I wish we could. That’s where I’m like—I wish we could put that aside. That ego. And I think we can.

Put it aside. I wish more guys took that mentality: it doesn’t matter who steps in front of me—Final X or not—I’m going to be ready.

So if we’re still growing, we should be less fearful."

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