"Time"

By Cyler Sanderson

"I don’t know if I can count the number of times people have asked me when my boys will start wrestling. I usually find a way not to answer. It’s not because I don’t have thoughts or ideas.

The truth is I think about it all the time. I pray every day that they decide to wrestle and that they love the game.

When I was in 7th grade, it was clear that I would need to make significant changes in my life in order to be coached by my dad. His job involved a long commute, making it very difficult for him to attend my practices and be my coach.

I decided to change schools. I drove with him to and from school each day. The trek was approximately 45 minutes, so 90 minutes a day with my dad in the car.

At the time, I didn’t realize the blessing that it was to be “trapped” with my dad in a car for 7-8 hours every week.

As I reflect on my time as a wrestler, I remember the wins and the losses, I remember the trophies and the lessons learned. But if I really think about it, the moments I remember most, are the times spent driving to and from practice. I remember hotel rooms and swimming pools. I remember the ice cream after tournaments. I remember those moments because they were the moments spent with my mom, dad and brothers. Those were the moments where the memories were really made.

I remember winning in the blood round at the NCAA tournament and yes that moment was a culmination and celebration of 15 years of effort and sacrifice. But what I remember most, the sweetest part, was hugging my brother Cody and sharing that victory with him.

I hope and pray that my boys wrestle. Not because I have aspirations of success, or even for the lessons I hope they might learn. But because I know if they wrestle it will mean I will spend countless hours with them.

I recently read a statistic. It stated by age 12 approximately 75% of the total time parents will ever spend with their children has already occurred. By age 18 it is estimated that 90% of the time parents will ever spend with their children has already occurred.

READ THAT AGAIN and then let it sink in.

I hope my children wrestle because I’d like to double that time spent. I want those long car rides, I want the all day tournaments, I want the weekends in places like Tulsa and Fargo. I want time with my family.

My dad was blessed to have 4 sons that all loved the same game he loved. When asked about the wrestling successes his boys attained, his answer was always the same. “I was just looking for an opportunity to spend time with my boys.”

I always appreciated the time spent with family through wrestling, but only now, as a father, do I really understand what my dad was looking for. I’m so grateful that this was his perspective. I’m so grateful that he could see what it was all about.

We did everything we could to be successful. We worked hard, we trained endlessly, we gave all we had to be on the top of the podium. But the real success was a strong family. My parents sacrificed new cloths, new cars and everything else imaginable so we could pursue our dreams. But if you asked them today, they would say “It was no sacrifice at all. We weren’t buying wrestling equipment or plane tickets, we were buying TIME.”

It’s tough for me to listen to parents complain about the distances to and from practice. I have heard them say they “have to” spend their weekends at wrestling tournaments. I have heard them question the sacrifices they make for their kids to play sports. These words are hard to hear because I think they might be missing the point.

To be clear, this is not a rebuke, it is simply an appeal to look at things from a different perspective. I understand life is hard and life is busy, but one of the greatest mistakes you can make in your time on earth is missing the forest for the trees.

The moments you have with your kids will be gone soon. Life is fleeting. The next time you are driving your child to practice, take a second to recognize the opportunity you have. After all, they are strapped down and can’t escape. Turn the radio down and ask them about their life or tell them about yours. Be grateful for those moments and don’t take them for granted. Whether it seems possible or not, your kids will remember the car rides more than the championships. Use them for good.

When will my boys start wrestling? Well, I hope soon. I hope that they love it and that they have a passion to succeed. I hope through wrestling they learn to be strong and resilient. I hope they accomplish every goal they set and I’ll do my best as their dad to help them in those pursuits.

But most of all I hope they wrestle because I want to spend time with my boys.

When I became a father my dad gave me one piece of advice. “Cyler, the greatest gift you can give your children is time. Give as much as you can, as often as you can.”